Neuroshambles

Do our kids feel empathy? | Heidi Mavir

Mark welcomes back the phenomenal Heidi Mavir, who is an  author, a neurodivergent advocate, activist, public speaker and Mum of a neurodifferent son (20, diagnosed autistic with a tic disorder, as well as suspected dyslexia and  Ehlers Danlos Syndrome). They pick up on a topic they very briefly touched on in the previous episode they recorded, which is whether there's any truth to the commonly-held belief that autistics don't feel empathy (spoiler alert - that view is abject nonsense).
They dissect the very concept of empathy to try and understand why it's viewed as so important to neurotypicals, what "the double empathy problem" is and why our kids' way of displaying and responding to empathy is so varied.
This is a genuinely insightful episode that gives a lot of food for thought when considering whether our own kids are able to feel empathy.
 
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
Heidi Mavir EOTAS Matters website - https://www.heidimavir.com/
"Your Child Is Not Broken" by Heidi Mavir - https://amzn.eu/d/8di4y0X
"Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?" by Pierre Novellie - https://amzn.eu/d/fd51tDR
"How To Win Friends and Influence People" - https://amzn.eu/d/fd51tDR
The Double Empathy Problem - https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/
"I Didn't See You There" by Charlotte Gail - https://amzn.to/3PUk4n1
Sesame Street Introduce Autistic Character - https://youtu.be/dKCdV20zLMs
Muppet Christmas Carol - https://youtu.be/JXaVI60BFJM
Heidi Mavir on TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@heidimavir
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics, suggestions for neurodiversity champions or any "What the flip?" moments you'd like to share, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
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The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Medicating Our Children | Danielle Jata-Hall

Should you medicate your child? And how do you cope with the guilt, fear and stigma that comes with making that decision? Danielle Jata-Hall joins Mark for a candid, compassionate and non-judgemental chat about medication.
They discuss the medication journeys they've been on with their own kids, from overcoming their initial misgivings and dealing with the judgement of others, to the administrative nightmare of trying to get medication prescribed by medical professionals.
Danielle also bravely opens up about her infuriating experience of being accused of FII (Fabricated and Induced Illness) by the very people she'd turned to for help.
A vital episode for any parent navigating medication options and craving reassurance that they’re not alone.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
"The Journey Into S.E.N.D Fatherhood" book - https://amzn.eu/d/0qwN0il
Danielle Jata-Hall blog - https://pdaparenting.com/
Newbold Hope -  https://www.newboldhope.com/
FII (Fabricated or Induced Illness) - https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/fabricated-or-induced-illness/overview/
"The Parent's Guide to ADHD Medicines" book - https://amzn.eu/d/i2e73JM
Shared Care - https://www.england.nhs.uk/medicines-2/regional-medicines-optimisation-committees-advice/shared-care-protocols/
"I'm Not Upside Down, I'm Downside Up" book - https://amzn.eu/d/avsMxy2
"Black Rainbow" book - https://amzn.eu/d/he1Nd8K
"Steph's Two Girls" blog with tips on getting your child to take medication - https://www.stephstwogirls.co.uk/2020/01/top-tips-when-your-child-wont-take.html
"A boy less ordinary" blog - https://aboylessordinary.com/
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
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The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

How far have we come? | Stephanie (from over the road)

What was it like to raise an autistic child 30 years ago? Mark has a fascinating chat with Stephanie - his wonderful neighbour from over the road, whose autistic son is now an adult.
They discuss how parents of autistic children were able to navigate the process of understanding how best to raise their kids, without access to the internet, social media or the breadth of information we have available now? 
This is an enlightening and surprisingly uplifting episode about autistic parenting, which shines a light on just how far society has come in a relatively short space of time, when it comes to understanding, supporting and championing our neurodivergent kids.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
Disneyland, Paris - https://www.disneylandparis.com/en-gb/
Echolalia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echolalia
The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle - https://amzn.eu/d/boDv6wN
Rain Man - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rain_Man
The Essential Different, Simon Baron Cohen - https://amzn.eu/d/3Y5xgWv
Gentle Parenting - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/on-babies/202405/gentle-parenting-doesnt-mean-permissive-parenting
Leonardo Da Vinci - https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/leonardo-da-vinci-adhd-health-mona-lisa-a8927641.html
Social Stories - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/communication/communication-tools/social-stories-and-comic-strip-coversations
Supported Employment - https://www.base-uk.org/about/members/brighton-hove-city-council
Fare Share - https://fareshare.org.uk/
Oxfam - https://jobs.oxfam.org.uk/jobs/home/
Leonardslee Gardens - www.leonardsleegardens.co.uk/
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod
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Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Coping with transport | "Belle"

Belle joins Mark to explore why transport can be a sensory, emotional and logistical nightmare when you’re raising neurodivergent children.
They discuss unpredictable delays, overcrowding, transitions and the sheer panic that sets in when you realise that things are not going to go as planned.
It’s funny, affirming and will make you feel seen if you’ve ever had to navigate a journey with your autistic, ADHD or PDA child and had to abandon it half way through.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
Gatwick Airport Special Assistance - https://www.gatwickairport.com/passenger-guides/special-assistance.html
Ferry cabins (DFDS) - https://www.dfds.com/en-gb/passenger-ferries/onboard/newhaven-dieppe/sleeping
Jen Marillat, Dramatherapist - https://jenmarillat.com/
Health and Care Professions Council - https://www.hcpc-uk.org/
The British Association of Dramatherapists - https://www.badth.org.uk/ 
EMDR Therapy - https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/eye-movement-desensitisation-and-reprocessing-emdr
Riding For the Disabled Association (RDA) - https://rda.org.uk/
Aspens, East Sussex - https://www.aspens.org.uk/
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod
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Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Judgement From Outsiders | Lisa Lloyd (@asd_with_a_g_and_t)

Lisa Lloyd joins Mark to tackle one of the toughest parts of neurodivergent parenting - judgement. From strangers tutting in the supermarket to relatives offering “helpful” advice, it can feel like the world is watching, and disapproving.
They swap tales about comments they receive from people judging their children ("He's not autistic, he's just naughty"), judging their parenting ("He wouldn't act like that if he was my son") and judging the entire concept of neurodivergency ("It's just a label"). They discuss the misconceptions that cause people to act this way, as well as the appropriate responses you can give them in return.
Lisa explains how she built resilience and a community of understanding, while Mark talks about learning to let go of needing to be understood.
This autism and ADHD parenting podcast episode is a powerful, funny and validating conversation for anyone who’s ever felt scrutinised, criticised, or blamed for doing their best.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
Raising the Sen-Betweeners, Lisa Lloyd - https://amzn.eu/d/4hm6Sb0
SEND Reform England - https://www.sendreformengland.com/
Lisa Lloyd Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/asd_with_a_g_and_t/
Lisa Lloyd TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@asd.with.a.g.and.t
Lisa Lloyd Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ASDwithGandT
 
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
TikTok:https: www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod
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Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Keeping up with the Joneses | Samuel Wilson

Comparison is the thief of joy - and nowhere is that truer than in SEND parenting. Samuel Wilson returns to talk with Mark about resisting the pressure to keep pace with neurotypical milestones.
They explore how school, family, and social media can fuel comparison, and the emotional impact of feeling like you’re “behind”.
Samuel shares how he’s learned to celebrate his child’s progress on their own terms, and Mark discusses the freedom that comes from letting go.
If you’re looking for an autism parenting podcast episode that’s both validating and liberating, this one is for you.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
Simpsons clip - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=784seqWxsMk&t=469s
Dad La Soul - https://www.dadlasoul.com/
BBC Woman’s Hour - https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0022ss7
India Croc replacement saga - https://www.instagram.com/p/C9hLMewpBH6/
"Lend a Hand", Samuel Wilson's book - www.littlestepspublishing.co.uk/books/lend-a-hand
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles
Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Am I raising an arsehole? | Kate Ebbutt

It’s a question many parents of neurodivergent children have whispered: “Is this behaviour just a result of their neurotype - or is my kid actually an arsehole?” Mark is joined by Kate Ebbutt for an unfiltered chat about the guilt, fear and frustration behind this very real concern.
They explore compassion fatigue, judgement from others, and the emotional toll of parenting children who challenge every boundary.
They also discuss to what extent the gentle parenting approach could be contributing to this behaviour, as well as recounting experiences of times where they've had to explain their parenting choices to neurotypicals who struggle to understand their approach.
It’s a brave, honest conversation hilariously relatable episode that will make all parents of autistic, ADHD or PDA kids feel seen.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
"The Explosive Child" book - https://drrossgreene.com/the-explosive-child.htm
Gentle Parenting - https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/what-is-gentle-parenting/
National Trust - https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/
RAM (Random Access Memory) - https://www.ign.com/articles/what-is-ram
Sheffield Queer Parents - https://sites.google.com/view/sheffield-queer-parents
Angling 4 Education - https://www.angling4education.com/
 
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles
Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Conversation | Kieran Rose

What does a meaningful conversation with a neurodivergent child actually look like? Mark chats with inspirational autism advocate Kieran Rose to unpack language and communication, and offer some fascinating insights into the different communication styles between neurodivergents and neurotypicals.
They discuss situational mutism, hyperverbalism, small talk and monotropism to shine a light on why conversations don’t always sound like we expect.
Kieran shares incredible insight from both personal and professional perspectives to explain how traditional communication expectations can alienate autistic, PDA and ADHD children, and how to create connection through listening, adaptation and patience.
A standout episode for any parent who’s ever worried they’re not ‘getting through’ to their child - and a brilliant reminder that connection comes in many forms.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
Neurodive Podcast - https://soundcloud.com/neurodivepod/kieranrose
Kieran's website - https://theautisticadvocate.com/
Maori word for autism - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-40493398
 
KIERAN'S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FURTHER READING:
A short (and very inexhaustive) list of Autistic advocates and allies no longer with us, who have made a phenomenally constructive difference to the narratives around Autistic and Neurodivergent people, but who never get the recognition of lauded non-Autistic people:
 
Jim Sinclair
Don't mourn for us - Jim Sinclair wrote one of the pivotal texts in the reframing of Autistic experience (opens as a PDF):
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://philosophy.ucsc.edu/SinclairDontMournForUs.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwik86zq-smIAxWCWUEAHQ2NH5UQFnoECCQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3WfDEINrbr2olYTgiO6ZKl
A book about Jim:
https://amzn.eu/d/3qalj4l
 
Donna Williams
Conceptualised a model of advocacy based on an inside-out approach - that observation based on your own or a normative experience can only take you so far.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Williams
She produced a massive number of books:
https://uk.jkp.com/collections/author-donna-williams-pid-199891
 
Mel Baggs:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Baggs
An old (quality is indicative of its age, so please bear with it) video on two parts that off a deep challenge to normative assumptions around communication and experience:
https://youtu.be/JnylM1hI2jc?si=IaPhwkiYn1vRmmlp
 
Dinah Murray
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinah_Murray
Co-creator of the theory of monotropism:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1362361305051398
A basic introduction:
https://youtu.be/qUFDAevkd3E?si=SMiSDEoiNcDtV2eg
 
Steve Silberman
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Silberman
The author of Neurotribes, a game changing book that brought a model of different, not less into the mainstream:
https://amzn.eu/d/clw0AD8
 
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
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The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Food, laborious food | Dee McMahon

Fussy eating takes on a whole new meaning when your child is neurodivergent. Dee McMahon joins Mark to talk about mealtime battles, safe foods and the stress that food can cause for both kids and parents.
Mark and Dee take a deep dive into the soul crushing nightmare of trying to feed their neurodifferent kids something remotely resembling a balanced diet. From the trauma of putting together meal plans and shopping lists, to the sense of nervous trepidation when trying to introduce their kids to new foods and the wounded pride they experience when food they've slaved away at is dismissed without even being tried.
They also take an in-depth look at the more serious side of food issues, when they discuss Dee's personal account of her boy's recent diagnosis of ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).
If you’re parenting autistic, ADHD or PDA children with food sensitivities, this is a validating, compassionate conversation that cuts through the guilt and gets to the heart of the issue.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
ARFID - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant/restrictive_food_intake_disorder
ARFID Community Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/arfid/
mASCot website: https://www.asc-mascot.com/
mASCot Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/221337174595596/
To make a donation to mASCot, so they can continue their amazing work: https://www.givey.com/mascot
Evelina Clinic, London - www.evelinalondon.nhs.uk
Sainsbury's pasta stars - https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/sainsburys-stars-500g?
Spruce tips - www.foragerchef.com/spruce-tips/
 
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles
Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

Trying to take a bloody photo | Claire Quigley Ward

Say cheese? Not a chance. Claire Quigley-Ward joins Mark to rant and reflect about why getting a photo of the whole family feels impossible when you’re parenting autistic, ADHD or PDA children.
They discuss the absolute nightmare of trying to take a "normal" photo of our kids - from the challenges of getting them to stay still and not be distracted, to their inability to pose for the camera and the inevitable dread of seeing how they stand out for all the wrong reasons in the annual school photo.
Claire shares how she redefined success in capturing family memories, and Mark reflects on the balance between preserving the moment and surviving it.
Funny, familiar and full of perspective, this PDA parenting podcast episode might make you feel better about every blurry, chaotic photo you’ve ever taken.
LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:
All Aboard ADHD podcast - https://www.allaboardadhd.com/podcast
All Aboard ADHD coaching - https://www.allaboardadhd.com/coaching
Apple Live Photo feature - https://support.apple.com/en-gb/104966
Google Best Take feature - https://blog.google/products/photos/how-google-photos-best-take-works/
SenLife App - https://mysenlife.com/
Kate Peers - https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/adhd-children-diagnosis-special-needs-school-funding-a9163761.html
 
CONTACT US
If you have any feedback about the show, ideas for topics or suggestions for neurodiversity champions you'd like us to give a shout out to, you can email: hello@neuroshambles.comFOLLOW US
Instagram: www.instagram.com/neuroshambles
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles
Threads: www.threads.net/@neuroshamblesCREDITS
The Neuroshambles theme tune was created by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/